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Squishy.
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I Think My Dictionary Needs To Get Laid September 13, 2011
I hide it well, but I’m a terrible speller. I thank the stars above for whomever invented Spell Check. I appreciate those little red dots under my misspelled words- it really helps a sista out. (Although, in truth, Spell Check is both a blessing and a curse. My words are always spelled correctly, but if you asked, I’d have no idea how to actually spell them.)
I have this nifty app on my computer called Dictionary. It’s nothing special; it’s pretty much what the name implies. I use it all the time. When I use words I like to know the exact meaning so that I can be sure I’m using it correctly or so I can distort its usage as I please, for poetic license purposes, naturally.
I also enjoy the thesaurus function and probably use that more than the dictionary. In fact, if I had to pick a favorite book of all time, it might just be the thesaurus.
Heck, even just the word “thesaurus” is pretty fantastic on it’s own.
Anyway, back to the spelling part. Dictionary is great because you can start to type a word and it will automatically summon up words that you might be trying to write and list them in case you are lazy and don’t want to keep typing the rest of the letters in the word. The more letters you type, the more accurate it becomes. And, if you’re a terrible speller like me and you totally massacre a word, it will say, “Did you mean…?”
More often than not, yes, I meant that word. Thank you, Dictionary.
Last Sunday, when I was typing up my previous post about bike gurus and gender gaps, I wanted to use the word “double entendre” but I kept spelling it wrong and the lackadaisical spell check function couldn’t make out what I was trying to write (for such an easy word it’s embarrassing, I know). That’s when I turned to my reliable friend, Dictionary.
Below is my pictorial account of what ensued and the mental processes that followed. The image you are about to see is exactly what I saw (minus the commentary, of course):
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Dictionary is a pervert.
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In case you’re wondering, I kept tally of the number of times I used Dictionary during this blog post. The final count is 8.
I am too ashamed to share the number of times I used Spell Check, but I’ll give you a hint. It’s in the double digits, and one of them is a “2″. (Can you pick the words out? No seriously, try. Then comment on this post with your guesses. It’ll be fun. Right? <– The answer to that question is “yes”.)
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(Update: the final, final count is now 9. I love that darned Dictionary… pervert or not.)
Word of the Day July 4, 2011
Rammy
(Short for Rambunctious)
- Rowdy; turbulently noisy, energetic, cheerful (usually of a person, event or behavior)
- Difficult to control or handle
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How I encountered this word:
Yestereve, my friend Mary and I decided it would be a nice summertime activity to make Pina Coladas and enjoy the warm July air from her front stoop. We set out to the grocery store to get the necessary accoutrements for the rum already in the cabinet and upon our return made a blender-full of the delicious adult beverage.
Well, one beverage turned into ten. Which turned into crashing the next block over’s block party, already well in progress. Which turned into being the last women standing at the block party and subsequently making friends with a gay man who insisted he wasn’t gay, and swapping phone numbers so we could hang out and watch reruns of Sex in the City together in the future. Which then, upon our return to the house, turned into a 1:00am dance party in Mary’s living room. Which then sparked the idea to go dancing at the afterhours club in the Gayborhood. Which then turned into a shot of Jagermeister because we wanted to spend as little money at this overpriced club as possible.
A quick costume change and shot #2 later (for good luck, of course) we headed out. We unexpectedly ran into some old friends visiting from NYC and, naturally, sat on their stoop long enough to catch up, have a beer and just one more shot (bottom shelf vodka this time).
Tromping up the late-night city streets, we finally made it to our destination. When we were informed the cost of admission was 25 dollars a head, we danced in the lobby for a short while with the other cover-charge protesters before exiting the venue.
It was my bright idea to head to another, less classy, afterhours joint in a slightly less affluent section of the city. We grabbed the Protestors by the hand, hopped into a cab and headed South.
Because the cab had not dropped us off exactly where requested, we found ourselves turned around and not sure which direction to head to get to the speakeasy. We roamed the less-than-desirable neighborhood for several minutes before finding the speakeasy’s door, thanks to the GPS on our phones.
In our excitement, we had neglected to take into account that it was, in fact, Sunday and the speakeasy was closed.
Upon our retreat, we picked up another crew of stragglers who had had the same idea as us, surely saving them the disappointment that was to follow once they too reached the locked door. One of these Stragglers noted that there was yet another afterhours club, this time a little further into the less-than-desirable neighborhood.
Slightly nervous about wandering this particular area of town, our fears were quelled when the head Straggler affirmed there was “strength in numbers”. Thusly, the nine of us set off into the ghetto.
Unfortunately, this club was also closed. Heads hanging low, we all agreed to abandon this expedition and head out to a safer location. Splitting up, the Stragglers headed south; Mary, myself and the Protestors headed east.
Ready to shake the Protestors and head home, we gave the cursory, “well, the night owl bus should pick you up right here. It comes pretty often, but I don’t know more than that. I guess this is where we part ways. Bye!”
While the Protestors were still trying to figure out my vague directions and before they could… well, protest, Mary and I were gone.
We decided that our rumbling bellies deserved some nourishment after this unsuccessful attempt to go dancing. We strolled up to the all-night cheesesteak joint and got ourselves each a heaping portion of cheese fries. Silence fell upon us as we stuffed our mouths full of fried tubers drenched in gooey, orange deliciousness.
We drew the night to a close as we walked each other home, bidding farewell only until the morning when I would drop by to pick up some items I had left at Mary’s house earlier.
And with that, I slipped into bed at 5:30am, just in time to watch the sun rise from behind closed eyelids.
The next day, reconvening at Mary’s pad, we were drinking water and watching our dogs wrestle in the living room. Discussing the debauchery from the night previous, I noted, “the course of events probably got rolling around the 5th drink or so, when we started getting rammy. It was pretty much all over from that point on.”
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Word of the Day June 11, 2011
Trash Tiara
- Trash: discarded matter; refuse
- Tiara: An ornamental band worn in a woman’s hair
How I encountered this word:
Taking Sadie for her morning walk today, we came across a pink, bow hair clip abandoned on the sidewalk. I stopped, picked it up and clipped it to the fur on top of her neck as we continued our walk.
I couldn’t help but giggle as Sadie, completely unaware, donned the clip. We passed a popular neighborhood coffee shop and a guy who was sitting at a table outside (and looking as though he may have been a tad drunk from the night before) beckoned Sadie to come over for a little puppy lovin’.
As he began to scratch her neck I said, laughing, “You’ll have to excuse the bow in her fur.”
Guy asked, “What’s that about?”
I responded, “We were walking and I found it on the ground. I picked it up and stuck it on her.”
Guy, turning back to Sadie and scratching the sweet spot behind her ears, said, “Awww, mommy made you wear a trash tiara.”
Top 5 Favorite Search Engine Terms That Directed Traffic to My Blog May 21, 2011
In case you didn’t know, I started this blog in the summer of 2008. That means for the last three years I’ve been tagging key words and phrases, stealing borrowing photos from Google Images, and generally just writing about all sorts of random topics.
At this point I’m sure I’ve made it pretty clear that my blog isn’t as popular as I wish it were. (Which means you should totally show your support by subscribing and recommending. I’ve even made it real easy for you. You can share it via FB, Twitter, Digg, Stumble Upon & email simply by clicking the “Like it? Share it!” icons of your choice at the bottom of this post. You can also subscribe by clicking the “Heck yes! Sign me up!” button to your right. You will need to confirm your subscription via your email, so if you don’t see an email from me, check your spam. Otherwise, your efforts at subscription are moot.)
I digress.
I check my site stats pretty obsessively. I’ve even got the Android app on my phone. I can also see what search engine terms people used that directed them to this site. Here’s a little CrazyKindaLife behind-the-scenes snapshot for all you hardcore fans:
As you can see, there are certain terms that commonly direct traffic to this blog. I’ve gotten literally thousands of hits related to “magic eye” in some form or another. I even get “magic eye” search terms in foreign languages, most of which use alphanumerics not found in the English language (as demonstrated in the pic above). ”Clip art writing” has gotten me hundreds of hits (in fact, if you Google Images “write clipart” I come up as the #1 image. “Clip art writing” & “write clip art” #2. “Clip art write” #3. Cool, right?)
But then there are the less common search engine terms. And then there are the ones that are downright bizarre. Today I decided to go through my search engine terms of all time and pull out my favorites.
Here they are, in no particular order:
1. “Dismembered Pinky Toe”
I never thought of my blog as associated with a “dismembered” anything, but apparently Google does. According to them I’m the number one site to read on this particular topic.
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2. Recipe for foot bath using Ramen seasoning
For the record, I’ve never used Ramen seasoning for a foot bath. Ever. However, Google lists me as the #6 authority on this subject. I fall just below Suzann Ledbetter and her Novel Cuisine. Novel cuisine, indeed, Suzann.
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3. www sex real public sex invasion were living in acrazy world
Not only have two people (two!) clicked on my blog using this exact search term, but I’m the first site that comes up! I’m not really sure what else to say about this so I’m going to move right along.
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4. “Band aids on a few fingers”
Now, you’ve got to use the quotes for this one to work, but according to my site stats, that’s exactly how someone found me. If you use this search term correctly, there are only three sites in the universe that used this exact phrasing, and I’m #1. The other contenders? A Muscle Car Association in Memphis and some forum discussing what music they are currently listening to.
What the three of us have in common besides “Band aids on a few fingers”, I’ll never know.
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5. “I’m so different. I was a model. I sing. I want. I want to continue to sing and on top of that you expect me to be subtle? I’m a femme fatale darling!”
Say what? I have no idea what in the bejesus this has to do with my blog. But twice (again, twice!) someone has clicked on my URL from this search engine term. Using quotes.
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Now of course, that’s not all of ‘em, but those are my Top 5 favs. Just in case you’re wondering, here’s a few of the runner ups: Buuurp (thrice clicked) • lentil soup worms (twice clicked) • sexy brunette raped (which is a little disturbing) • what is the Universe telling me about why I can’t get a job • how to get cat piss smell out of blanket • where does tag on blanket go when making bed (uhm… the bottom. Duh.) • every girl needs a gay friend • and last but not least, “magic eye sexy”.
By the way, I totally just tagged every search engine term listed in this post. This may skew individual Google search results.
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Word of the Day July 24, 2009
Tangential
- Merely touching or slightly connected
- Superficially relevant
- Digressive
How I encountered this word:
A friend of mine went on a few dates with this guy, which she admitted were somewhat awkward (but what first few dates aren’t?). The last time they had a date guy invited her to his house and he cooked her dinner; which for all you men out there, sends us ladies the signal that you really dig us. They made a little kissy-face, and before she departed for the evening guy said he would email her to plan a next date. That was nearing six weeks ago. No email, no call, no nothing. It was almost as if guy had been forced into the witness protection program, never to be heard from again.
Today she calls me to report that in a response a recent facebook status update about a change in her employment, guy adds a random comment that says, “Oh my. But this sounds good, so yay”! Her response (to me): “Seriously, what a tangential way to make a come back in someone’s life after all this time. Why even bother?” Her response (to him): A message simply stating “Dude, what the hell happened to you?” Classic.
Word of the day May 2, 2009
Plural
- The form of a word that is used to denote more than one member, set or kind
How I encountered this word:
Ok so, I know we all know the meaning of the word “plural” (or at least I would hope so), but just now I was immersed in some deep thought about how the word “folk” is plural, which means that the word “folks” is a plural of a plural. As I was spiraling into the mental abyss of compounding pluralism -not unlike contemplating the infinity of the universe- I thought to myself, “wow, plural is a really weird word”. I know we’ve all had that same experience, where you say/read a word over and over and it starts to sound funny and almost foreign.
Just thought I would share this morning’s deep thoughts.
Word of the Day April 23, 2009
Ennui
- Listlessness and dissatisfaction resulting from lack of interest; boredom
- the feeling of being bored by something tedious
How I encountered this word:
Part of my daily Yahoo horoscope; which was, surprisingly, accurate today. It foretold that my creativity would get me out of a task I was dreading, which is exactly what happened. And, I can confidently say it was accurate since I read it only after utilizing my creative and decorative juices to get out of paperwork.
Quote of the Day March 24, 2009
“Taking money from the government is like living with your mother-in-law. You lose a great deal of your freedom”.
Art, from the NY Stock Exchange, whose last name I didn’t catch. He was speaking on Good Morning America about companies taking money from the gov’t bail outs, and the related consequences. Since he said this within the first 5 – 7 mins of my waking this morning, I am lucky to be able to remember it at all. But I did, and it made me laugh pretty hard. You can’t ask for much more of your early morning.
Schadenfreude at its finest February 7, 2009
Schadenfreude = taking pleasure in the misfortune of others
In case you need a little more elaboration, here’s a song written about the phenomenon.
When I was 8 years old, my mom and I lived in this house that sat adjacent to a 45 degree curve in the road. When inclement weather would fall, that curve became an icy, treacherous mess. My mom and I would sit in front of our second floor window, drink our hot chocolate and watch as the cars would spin out and wreck in front of our house. It was my favorite winter-time activity.
Apparently, some guilty pleasures die hard… And are best enjoyed in the company of others.
On Tuesday into Wednesday of this week, Philadelphia got almost 8 1/2 inches of snow. The streets department is notorious for their poor response to snow, and thus did no salting nor subsequent plowing of minor arterial & local streets.
I work right next to one of these streets, which has a very, very small curve on it. It’s a one way street, so cars are accustomed to zooming down this road without a second thought. The caveat this week was that since the street had not been treated before or after the snow, this curve became covered in first slush, then ice.
Each morning, as I rounded the corner to the street of my job, there was a cop car sitting in front of my office. The first day, my initial reaction was, “oh great, it’s not even 8am and someone’s in crisis”. In actuality, the cops were there to deal with the cars that were piling up on the other side of the curve.
On both Thursday and Friday, we had a total of 12 accidents- that we witnessed. On Friday, we were privy to witness 6 cars slip out and hit either each other, or cars parked along the street, within the span of about a half hour.
What did we do about the problem? Yes, that’s right- we sat there and watched. We also saw a few bicyclists slip out, and one man in a wheel chair take a spill (it’s ok to laugh. He got up and walked his wheelchair out of the road). And me specifically; what did I do? I broke out my camera phone… That’s right, I was the shutterbug voyeur.
Finally, the cops decided it was in the best interest of all to close off the road. This was about the time I broke out my camera, so while I missed photo-ops for the really good action, here’s a little something to satiate your own voyeurism tendencies.
This guy was sitting in the parked white car when it got hit
Cops everywhere!
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This is the icy curve
More cop cars!
