Breathe. April 22, 2009

I apologize for my blogging absence.

Once again, we are preparing for another inspection at my wonderful place of employment. These seemingly never-ending inspections have drained me of any deep thought, introspective wisdom, or quick witted quips. 

After working 10+ hours (with no break) nearly every day, by the time I trudge home I find it difficult to muster the energy to do just about anything. If food finds its way into my mouth, and my hair somehow gets clean, I consider myself lucky.

All these inspections are normal in my line of work; it just so happens the entities-that-be unknowingly scheduled themselves back to back. While looking over charts with my boss today, he said to me, “Don’t you feel like you’ve been preparing for inspection for the last six months of your life”?

I looked at him, with weary eyes, responding, “Well, we’ve been at this for 4 months straight, so yes. And quite frankly, I’m not sure what I’m going to do with myself when this is all over.”

However, we are now approaching the finish line. The charts go out tomorrow, with Big Brother arriving Monday to begin their three day stint. It’s the final countdown here folks, so keep checking in for more posts in the near future.

A look inside my alter ego March 13, 2009

We all live several lives at once, in the sense that we don’t act exactly the same at work as we do when we’re out with friends. (Or at least, I would hope not). That’s not to say that we are completely different people, but we do have to wear different masks, and act accordingly. 

For my job, I have to wear the mask of a clinician. Most people who know me personally never see this side, and I thought it might be fun to share a little snippet of what that “other side” of me is like.

The following is an excerpt from an email that went between 3 staff, myself included, about one of our folks who had recently seen the psychiatrist (for which I had been present). The psychiatrist mentioned after the client had left that instead of her diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder, perhaps she instead has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). (In accordance with all HIPPA and confidentiality regulations, any identifying info for all parties has been removed):

Staff A: Everything I have learned about BPD does not seem to apply to [client]. I am sincerely baffled by this. Please advise.

Staff B: I wouldn’t give her a BPD diagnosis; maybe a somatization disorder or conversion disorder.

Me: [The doctor] said that the symptoms she complains of are sometimes seen in individuals with BPD. In such cases many meds are tried, but since the origin of the illness is not organic, no meds are ever reported as being effective. This pretty sums up exactly what [client] reports.

I agree that there may be some sort of psychosomatic issues going on, and I would venture to guess that it could quite possibly run concurrent with a personality disorder diagnosis. I’m not saying that I firmly believe that [client] herself has BPD, but rather that generally it is possible to have both at the same time, and actually seems quite intuitive to the nature of both illnesses.

Staff B: I think it’s safe to say she demonstrates some traits of a personality disorder (not necessarily BPD). This can even be mentioned on Axis II: “Traits of personality disorder, including ____”.

(Note: If you want to know what any of the fancy words mean, click on it. I have linked to more info.)

Now, it’s not all work and no play between the hours of 8am and 4pm for little Miss Messie Jessie. Here’s an excerpt from an email exchange with one of the “higher ups” about my upcoming jury duty, and possibilities on how I could get out of being chosen for the jury:

Me: Maybe I could wear an old bridesmaid dress, have rat’s nest hair, with super thick eyeliner/mascara that’s all streaked down my face like I was just crying, and carrying a baby doll with it’s head ripped off”.

I think that’s a little more like the Jess you all know and love.

Quote of the Day February 20, 2009

“Men are weird. They have this weird…. men behavior.“

A fellow female coworker, verbalizing her thoughts about men, during a conversation about relationships and not understanding the actions of the opposite sex.

I laughed pretty hard about this one. She was totally serious, and in the moment it made perfect sense. I hope it speaks to you all too.

Schadenfreude at its finest February 7, 2009

Schadenfreude = taking pleasure in the misfortune of others

In case you need a little more elaboration, here’s a song written about the phenomenon.

 

When I was 8 years old, my mom and I lived in this house that sat adjacent to a 45 degree curve in the road. When inclement weather would fall, that curve became an icy, treacherous mess. My mom and I would sit in front of our second floor window, drink our hot chocolate and watch as the cars would spin out and wreck in front of our house. It was my favorite winter-time activity.

Apparently, some guilty pleasures die hard… And are best enjoyed in the company of others.

On Tuesday into Wednesday of this week, Philadelphia got almost 8 1/2 inches of snow. The streets department is notorious for their poor response to snow, and thus did no salting nor subsequent plowing of minor arterial & local streets.

I work right next to one of these streets, which has a very, very small curve on it. It’s a one way street, so cars are accustomed to zooming down this road without a second thought. The caveat this week was that since the street had not been treated before or after the snow, this curve became covered in first slush, then ice. 

Each morning, as I rounded the corner to the street of my job, there was a cop car sitting in front of my office. The first day, my initial reaction was, “oh great, it’s not even 8am and someone’s in crisis”. In actuality, the cops were there to deal with the cars that were piling up on the other side of the curve. 

On both Thursday and Friday, we had a total of 12 accidents- that we witnessed. On Friday, we were privy to witness 6 cars slip out and hit either each other, or cars parked along the street, within the span of about a half hour.

What did we do about the problem? Yes, that’s right- we sat there and watched.  We also saw a few bicyclists slip out, and one man in a wheel chair take a spill (it’s ok to laugh. He got up and walked his wheelchair out of the road). And me specifically; what did I do? I broke out my camera phone… That’s right, I was the shutterbug voyeur. 

Finally, the cops decided it was in the best interest of all to close off the road. This was about the time I broke out my camera, so while I missed photo-ops for the really good action, here’s a little something to satiate your own voyeurism tendencies.

 

This guy was sitting in the parked white car when it got hit

 

 

Cops everywhere!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***************************************************************************************************************************

 

This is the icy curve

 

More cop cars!

Little plant, big city February 5, 2009

 

Plant wishes to wander, but waits behind

 

Say hello to my new friend: His name is Plant. He is the newest addition to my office at work.

I cut him off a larger spider plant in my apartment and took him into work. Initially, I took him in just to add some “life” to my office. Lord knows I spend enough time in there. But now, the little bugger is growing on me.

It started earlier today when one of my staff noticed that every time he comes into my office spouting negativity I point out the plant. I thought this was humorous as I hadn’t noticed, yet have done it several times now. He calls the plant my “negativity deferrer”.

Throughout the day I noticed I kept looking at the little guy, as he sat in the window. He looks as though he is longingly peering out at the world below. I feel as if I were quiet enough, I may just be able to hear him sigh with a yearning to venture beyond the window. I suppose he and I are kindred spirits that way- I, too, would like to journey to the other side, the outside world, most days.

To note: In psychology, we call this transference. It is I who feel this way, and I see it within the plant; whether it truly exists or not (and in this case, we know the plant does not really feel this way). 

But either way, I still think he exhibits a bit of personality. Can’t you see it in the picture?

Life: taking pleasure in the small things February 3, 2009

Yesterday I was feeling oh-so-stressed about my job. I wrote this long blog draft about how for the first time in my life I was being an overachiever and about how the self-imposed stress was taking it’s toll. In the end, the draft never made it past the cutting room floor, as I couldn’t muster enough energy in my soul to bring it to finalization.

Today, the stress remains, but just 20 mins ago I chose to change my focus. Years from now, will it matter that I have 60 charts to audit in less than two weeks, or that on top of this my bosses keep asking me to do more and more, or that I am holding myself to unrealistic expectations? No, it won’t matter.

Rather, I am choosing to focus on the moment of genuine laughter shared with co-workers, the fax going through on the first try, the decision to turn off the headphones and instead listen to how the snow muffles the city’s din, whilst watching the flakes flutter through the air and feeling them as they melt upon my rosy cheeks.

Tomorrow, I can again resume my work-related woes, but for today these are the things I choose to remember. These are the things that make me happy.

What have you done for your Recovery today? January 6, 2009

Last week I was having a really rough day at work. Really rough. In fact, it was so bad that even though it wasn’t time to punch out just yet, I needed to get the eff outta there. I grabbed a few folks and said, “Hey, let’s go to Borders for the rest of the afternoon”. (Yes, I can do this at my job. In fact, it’s actually encouraged).

My staff knew that I have having a bad day and understood this was exactly why I was taking people to Borders. On my way out one of my staff said to me, “Make sure you do something for your Recovery today”. I smiled, then laughed, and thought to myself, “ok, sure. My Recovery”. But instead I said to him simply, “I will”.

Sidebar: Working in the mental health field creates a closeness between coworkers that I do not believe exists in any other workplace. We know things about each other that even our closest family and friends do not know. We support each other and lean on each other, and more specifically the to dept that I work in, we strive for a family environment between staff and members alike. We are drawn to the profession because we care about the well-being others. In turn, we look out for each other. End sidebar.

I head out to Borders, do my thang, and go home when I’m done. I’m still irritated about what transpired and when I lay my head on my pillow at the end of the night I don’t really feel any better about the situation, and only hope that tomorrow will be a brighter day.

Fast forward to this past Saturday. Again, I was having a down day, but this time more related to the winter blues than anything else. I had had high hopes for the day, and thought that I was going to accomplish a myriad of things. Instead I awoke and could barely pull myself out of bed. I thought that if maybe I just got up and showered, that would be like hitting the proverbial reset button. Nope. Then I thought, “well, my house is kinda a mess, so maybe if I clean up a little I’ll feel better”. I had wanted to give it a thorough cleaning, but was placated to just pick up and dust off. But the cleaning still didn’t help. Finally at 1pm I gave up. I laid down on the couch, tossing the now insurmountable To Do list to the wayside. 

Four hours pass, and I am still on the couch. My coworker’s words from days ago began to ring in my head- “Make sure you do something for your Recovery”. When people not in the field think of the concept of Recovery they generally assume it refers to drug and alcohol addiction. But what Recovery really means is taking care of yourself so that you may achieve and maintain your optimum level of well-being, whatever that is for you personally. And Recovery is not limited to people in drug and alcohol or mental health programs. It is anyone. It is you; it is me; it is everyone who deals with the normal highs and lows of life. It is all of us.

Lying on the couch I realized that I had not been taking care of myself; not doing what I needed to, to make sure that I was feeling good mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I had not been doing this since, at least, my really rough day at work. I know what I need to do for myself when I start feeling down in the dumps, and I just wasn’t doing it. 

At that moment, I picked up my phone and called the BF. I invited him on a “date”. We agreed to meet up at the half way point to a favorite restaurant and have dinner together. After we dined we made our way to the video store, went back to my house, made popcorn and watched the movies until the wee hours of the night.  

I had done something for my Recovery, and the next day felt more equipped to work on the tasks I planned on accomplishing the day previous. Since then, I have made the conscious effort to take care of myself a little bit everyday. Sometimes it’s as simple as taking a warm bath with a good book, or others it’s paying bills. Whatever it is that I do, it’s something that makes me feel good, and keeps me in a positive mindset. And it has made all the difference.

So, now I ask all those reading this: What have you done for your Recovery today?

Party’s over January 4, 2009

Well, tonite marks the end of my working-only-6-days-out-of-the-last-16 mini vacation. Sadly, I have been spoiled…

Here it is, approaching 10:30 pm, and I find myself wide awake and rearing to go. I have things that I want to do, and yet I feel the pressure to prepare for bed. Working for the man can be such a drag. 

So, here’s to a good night’s sleep and a great day tomorrow! (It’s all about the positive mindset, folks)

 

 

P.S. GO EAGLES! Now, let’s kick some Giant’s butt!

No words… November 25, 2008

The increasing demands and long hours of my job have had a vampiric effect on my blogging (and my life in general). Absent are my introspective observations on life, quick witted quips, and vigor for making note of my notions. I am mentally exhausted. 

I am a sad, sad case.

Repeat to self: “I will not become a slave to the machine, I will not become a slave to the machine. I will not. I repudiate such a possibility.”

Election Day– Yes We Did!!! November 9, 2008

Tuesday, Nov 4

This day began as one of the earliest days I can remember in a long time. I had to force myself off the couch, and downed as much coffee as I possibly could before rushing out the door before the sun had even started peeking over the horizon. The city streets had an eerie quietness to them as I biked up Passyunk. It was most certainly the calm before the storm.

There is so much I could say about this day, but I think the best word to sum it all up was “busy”. From 5:30am when I arrived, until the polls closed at 8pm it was non-stop. I came into contact with literally thousands of people, and my voice was hoarse for two days afterward from talking so much. And if you know me, I talk nearly constantly anyway, so that tells you something about how busy it was. 

There are no photos that can aptly demonstrate the energy that day. I was moved by the number of people who came out to pitch in, how ever they could. Some made calls, some knocked on doors, some brought us food, and some just put smiles on our weary faces. We came together for one common purpose, and all 700+ of us gave it everything we had. I am thankful for everyone I came into contact with that day. From the 15 year old girl who came down from NYC with her family and chatted with me while I collected canvassers’ walk packets, to my retirement age neighbor, Gerry, who did as many walk routes as he could manage, to everyone in between- everyone was amazing. They all had their own story, and they all had something unique to contribute towards our collaborative effort. People thanked me for working so hard over the last days, but it was I who insisted the thanks was due to them, for without them none of this would have been possible. My role was to merely support, direct and organize their efforts.

When the results started coming in… well, there are just no words to express the jubilation we all felt. Everything we had worked so hard for was becoming real, and by 10:30pm Barack Obama was announced the 44th president of the United States of America.

By this time we had all congregated to the 1501 Christian St HQ, so everyone who worked out of South Philly could celebrate together. We had been a motley crew from the start, but we ended as one. That night we shared tears, drinks, embraces and a joyous spirit of a job well done.

When I returned to my real job 2 days later some people asked me, “How was your vacation”? I laughed and said it was the furthest thing from a vacation, but I had a great time.

Without further ado, here is my pictorial election day coverage:

 

Phone Bank madness

 

A meeting of the minds

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My vote counted!

 

A Caleb in a box

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5:30pm- Gathering the troops for the final push

 

Anxiously awaiting results

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The wreckage of chaos

 

Let the celebration begin! 1501 Christian

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

McCain's concession speech

 

Obama wins!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cheers to a job well done