So although it’s technically after midnight, it’s still Monday to my waking mind, and therefore I am still timely in my statements.
Today marks exactly 6 months and 15 days since the rug was pulled out from under me, causing my ass to hit the ground hard, and my world was flipped upside down. I am aware that my blog entries most likely show the progress I have made, but I thought I would take some time to talk about just how far I have come in this time.
Tonite I was invited to have dinner at a new, but good, friend’s home. There were about 6 of us invited, and I thought it was nothing more than a simple get together. We didn’t congregate until 10pm, which was the only time all of us could match up our schedules. After I arrived the hostess informed me that it was, in fact, a holiday dinner, to bring in the Jewish new year- Rosh Hashanah. I had wanted to write this entry before I went to the dinner, but couldn’t conjure up the inspiration. Now being more educated in Jewish toasts, traditions and in the spirit of starting anew, I feel it is all quite apropos, and am now more equipped to ink my thoughts.
So, the question remains: What have I learned in the last 6 ½ months?
First and foremost, I have learned that anything is possible, but you must be willing to work hard for it. And you must desire it for the right reasons.
I have learned that self-determination is key. No one or no thing in this world will ever do anything for you. Sure, there may be people that help you along the way, or you may happen to be in the right place at the right time, but if you are not self motivated, none of these things will ever cross your path.
Related to that idea is the fact that only you can make you happy. If you are constantly looking for someone else to meet your needs and provide you with an internal fulfillment, you will never find true happiness. Internal peace is just that- internal.
I have learned the importance of being true to yourself. If you live your life in a way that just doesn’t feel right, things will never come into place. Once you change your behaviors and do things for YOU (and no one else), inertia will transform into kinetic.
I have learned that you cannot force anything. Going back to “if it just doesn’t feel right things will never come into place” is also true here. If you feel as if you are constantly pushing and pushing for something and it just doesn’t seem to be working, it may be time to let it go, or as I say, “give it back”. You can give it back to whom or what ever you choose (generally I give it back to the universe), but the important part is to realize that whatever you are fighting so hard for may not be right for you at this time. If it comes back to you, then it is meant to be yours. If not, you still let go of some weight that perhaps was not in your best interest, and you will begin to move your life in a more positive direction.
Last but not least, I have learned that life will have its ups and downs, but everything will always work out. Be open to the greater lesson, even if you cannot see it at that time. It does not matter how many successes for failures you encounter, all that does matter is that you take the lesson from each, and use it in your current life.
Life is a constant lesson, eager to be learned. We are all students in this collective classroom, and I am accepting of each colloquium as it comes into my life. I am grateful for every single person who has been in, or come into, my life in the last 6 ½ months. You have all provided me with more than you will ever know, and I am eternally thankful for this.
I am also aware of the fact that since I still know how long it has been since the upheaval to the exact day, my healing is not yet complete. I know there are questions I will never get the answers to, and I have come to peace with that. I also still have that one last cigarette to smoke, have a favorite shoe missing its mate, and have socks to replenish. Cest la vive, “Such is life”.
**Next Day Edit: I just wanted to note that not all these lessons are directly related to the past situation- but they have all been learned in the time since, and may not have been learned had it not occured.