I’m starting to not even recognize myself anymore. I am doing things that are indicative of a persona that I have strived my entire life not to be.
Today, I threw batteries in the trash can. Sure, I felt bad about it… for the first five seconds after I walked away. Yesterday I made a REALLY off-color comment. It was out of anger… but still uncalled for.
What is going on with me? Am I becoming one of Those People??
I’ve done a little thinking about this today and here’s what I come up with:
No, I am not changing- at least not in that sense. What I am doing is evolving. See, I have always done these things- throw out batteries and make poor jokes in front of select company. I’m not becoming evil; rather, I’ve always been evil, and concurrently in denial.
I am now evolving from being a self-righteous hypocrite. I’m finally calling myself out on my own shit, and I’m not going to take it anymore. No more excuses. I need to start holding myself to the same standards I do everyone else, or else step aside and join them.
How can I think I am any different from anyone else if I am doing the same exact things?
It’s either time to embrace what I am, or make some real changes.