Snapshots of a… Crazy Kinda Life

The Misadventures of Messie Jessie

The Pet Peeve Chronicles: Trap Talkers June 14, 2012

Filed under: Pet Peeves — Messie Jessie @ 10:50 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

You’ve got something you are doing, and you are right in the middle of doing it.

Maybe you are just about to grab the last item on your grocery list before heading to the check-out line. Or maybe you’re walking to your boss’s annual backyard barbeque, for which you are already a solid hour late. Perhaps the last bite of your Thanksgiving dinner is making its way down your esophagus and you’ve decided that right now would be the perfect time for a nap.

Whatever it is that you are doing, it no longer matters. You see, as you were going about your business, you caught sight of someone, and they caught sight of you.  Eye contact has been made and there’s no turning back.

You’ve just been apprehended by the Trap Talker.

You look away, put your head down and try to make a sly move toward the door. But the Trap Talker smiles and as they walk in your direction, you think to yourself, “I’m never going to get away.”

We all know the type. They’ve only got one topic, and that topic is them. You will hear all about their colitis and how they had to wean back on solid foods after a week and a half of ingesting nothing but chicken broth and diet cola. You don’t give a crap about the state of their lower gastrointestinal track, but the Trap Talker doesn’t care. All the Trap Talker cares about is that they finish their story as it seamlessly transitions into the next.

You anxiously switch your weight from one leg to the other. You turn your shoulder so your body faces away from them.

It doesn’t matter what you do; they have no understanding of basic body language or any sense of social cues. You can slowly step away but they will follow you. You can look away but they will grab your arm and force your attention back on them. They will scarcely notice your glazed over look, as you mentally plan out how you might rearrange your office if you decide to bring in that old bookcase from home.

You check your watch.

Time means nothing to the Trap Talker. Your carton of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream slowly drips down your arm as you try to shake off the gnats that are looking for a refreshing July-afternoon snack. You manage to squeeze in a “I’ve got to run”, but the Trap Talker barely acknowledges your statement as they blather about how the property tax increase is going to affect their ability to contribute to their 401k.

Get comfortable, my friends. You’re going to be here for a while.

In the meantime, please enjoy this video I made:

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Ever been Trap Talked? Are YOU a Trap Talker? Share your stories here when you Rate, Comment, Subscribe, Share!

Got something to say? Shoot me an email at CrazyKindaLife@gmail.com and Trap Talk away. I’m all yours.

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