Snapshots of a… Crazy Kinda Life

The Misadventures of Messie Jessie

The Pet Peeve Chronicles: Misconceptions About Human Bodily Processes August 17, 2012

Filed under: All about me,Pet Peeves — Messie Jessie @ 8:25 pm
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This installment of the Pet Peeve Chronicles is best expressed through a recent email exchange:


Photo too teeny? Click the pic to make it bigger on your screen-y!


Yes, that was a real email. Yes, I was emailing about pooping. Yes, if you exchange emails with me, you too can expect the topic of poop to plop out at some point.

To read more in the Pet Peeve Chronicles series, click here


Remember how I said like a second ago that we could email about poop? Drop me a line (and maybe a deuce) at and we’ll shoot the shit for a while.

If you prefer to be silent but deadly, make a stink when you Rate, Comment, Subscribe and Share!


I Think There’s Something Wrong With My Dog July 5, 2012

Filed under: Laughing Out Loud — Messie Jessie @ 6:42 pm
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Send your well wishes when you Rate, Comment, Subscribe, Share!

Got any home remedies for this kind of thing? Send ’em to me at
via PicsArt Photo Studio


Another Round of 100% For-Real Online Dating Screenshots! June 26, 2012

Filed under: Adventures in Dating — Messie Jessie @ 8:37 pm
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Whatever I write here doesn’t really matter because you’re just going to scroll past it to look at all the fancy pictures in this post, so I’m just going to shut my yapper and get on with it.

And remember, (snarky photoshopped commentary aside) everything you see here is completely real. Enjoy!


Now, more lifelike than ever!


Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you said “HAIRlines”. My bad.


All of the above?


In his response he apologized by saying, “Sorry, I want do that again.”


I don’t know, that bathing suit babe is pretty hot…


Are these photos comic gold or fool’s gold? Let me know when you Rate, Comment, Subscribe, Share!

Think I have no right to ridicule innocent people looking for love and that I will probably suffer infinite lifetimes of bad karma? I’m open to your opinion, so let me have it when you email


To Protect and Serve June 19, 2012

Filed under: I'm a poet: now you know it — Messie Jessie @ 10:55 pm
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Tonight a young black man got stopped

by an older white cop.

He was apprehended for

riding his dirt bike on the sidewalk.


A shove. A kick. A fist.

Young black man cried, “did you see that, Miss?”

With the sole observing eyes, I called out

“It was hard to miss.”


A steely baton rose,

followed by two sharp blows.

Blood ran down

the young man’s nose.


Backup arrived;

they forced him inside.

Those older white cops? Well,

they shared a high five.



A young black man was stopped

by an older white cop.

Because he rode

his dirt bike on the sidewalk.


The Pet Peeve Chronicles: Trap Talkers June 14, 2012

Filed under: Pet Peeves — Messie Jessie @ 10:50 pm
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You’ve got something you are doing, and you are right in the middle of doing it.

Maybe you are just about to grab the last item on your grocery list before heading to the check-out line. Or maybe you’re walking to your boss’s annual backyard barbeque, for which you are already a solid hour late. Perhaps the last bite of your Thanksgiving dinner is making its way down your esophagus and you’ve decided that right now would be the perfect time for a nap.

Whatever it is that you are doing, it no longer matters. You see, as you were going about your business, you caught sight of someone, and they caught sight of you.  Eye contact has been made and there’s no turning back.

You’ve just been apprehended by the Trap Talker.

You look away, put your head down and try to make a sly move toward the door. But the Trap Talker smiles and as they walk in your direction, you think to yourself, “I’m never going to get away.”

We all know the type. They’ve only got one topic, and that topic is them. You will hear all about their colitis and how they had to wean back on solid foods after a week and a half of ingesting nothing but chicken broth and diet cola. You don’t give a crap about the state of their lower gastrointestinal track, but the Trap Talker doesn’t care. All the Trap Talker cares about is that they finish their story as it seamlessly transitions into the next.

You anxiously switch your weight from one leg to the other. You turn your shoulder so your body faces away from them.

It doesn’t matter what you do; they have no understanding of basic body language or any sense of social cues. You can slowly step away but they will follow you. You can look away but they will grab your arm and force your attention back on them. They will scarcely notice your glazed over look, as you mentally plan out how you might rearrange your office if you decide to bring in that old bookcase from home.

You check your watch.

Time means nothing to the Trap Talker. Your carton of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream slowly drips down your arm as you try to shake off the gnats that are looking for a refreshing July-afternoon snack. You manage to squeeze in a “I’ve got to run”, but the Trap Talker barely acknowledges your statement as they blather about how the property tax increase is going to affect their ability to contribute to their 401k.

Get comfortable, my friends. You’re going to be here for a while.

In the meantime, please enjoy this video I made:



Ever been Trap Talked? Are YOU a Trap Talker? Share your stories here when you Rate, Comment, Subscribe, Share!

Got something to say? Shoot me an email at and Trap Talk away. I’m all yours.


Still Bloggin’, Still Pimpin’: Pimp UR Blog, Episode 2 NOW AVAILABLE! May 21, 2012

Hey guys, remember that time I (co)wrote and (co)published an ebook? That was pretty awesome. Know what’s more awesome? Doing it a second time.

That’s right, Pimp UR Blog has released its second episode: Increase Search Results with Articles and Feeds!

Need a refresher on this ebook I speak of? Click HERE to learn more.

Episode Two starts with a discussion on aspects of engaging an audience. We then cover all sorts of crazy technical details of the software we use, which examines the interaction between blog technologies and social media produce Google search results. It’s our computer-savvy, techie-geekish episode of the series, but if that’s your thing this is the book for you.

You could also buy it because you love my blog and want to read some totally amazing stuff I wrote about blogging.

Pimp ur Blog Episode Two: Increase Search Results with Articles and Feeds, like the first $.99 eBook in the Pimp ur Blog series, Pimp ur Blog Episode One: Boost Search Results with Social Bookmarking, will be available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, Smashwords, Goodreads, and multiple other e-reader and online eBook websites.

Click HERE to get your copy now!


While you’re supporting the ebook, don’t forget to support the original when you Rate, Comment, Subscribe, Share!

Got questions about the book that I didn’t answer here? Shoot me a line at I tell you all you want to know… and more.


True Story of a Teenage Termagant May 17, 2012



Ladies: Ever worn men’s cologne? Men: Ever worn women’s? Raise your hand when you Rate, Comment, Subscribe, Share!

Got something to say? Lay it on me at



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