Snapshots of a… Crazy Kinda Life

The Misadventures of Messie Jessie

Just a Quick Update March 10, 2016

Filed under: All about me — Messie Jessie @ 2:49 pm
Tags: , , , ,

So remember a few weeks ago when I was all like “I’m blogging for 15 minutes EVERY DAY!”

Yeah. About that.

Trust me – I did not forget, nor did I change my mind. I have lots of ideas. And I actually have been working on one post for over a week at this point, stalled from spending far too long turning myself into a pirate. (Get excited about that, folks).

I don’t know if you realize but these posts also take way more than 15 minutes to write. Like, at least a solid hour for a few paragraphs and humorous pics. And, honestly? Sometimes I want to use that hour working on other things.

Things like:

  • learning to make my own clothes (totally rad, I know),
  • getting outside,
  • ramping up my exercise routine,
  • considering professional licensure,
  • doing amazing things with amazing people

All this to say, I’m here and I am not going anywhere. I just won’t be here every day.

Now, get off the internet and go do some amazing stuff with some equally amazing folks.

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Like what you read? Show the love when you Rate, Comment, Subscribe, Share!

Wanna be amazing together? Drop me a line at CrazyKindaLife@gmail.com

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Every Girl Needs An Escape Plan September 26, 2012

Filed under: Adventures in Dating — Messie Jessie @ 9:48 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

If there is one thing that is customary about a first date, it’s the Escape Plan. Everyone has had one. You may not have used it, but you had it in your back pocket just in case that guy you met at the coffee shop went from being your Dream Man to the Sandman.

I had a first date recently. It was “meh”. But then this Meh Guy asked me out again and I figured, “What the heck. If nothing else, it’s free drinks and entertainment.” What can I say? I’m an optimist.

Right up to the time I left the house I was still feeling “meh” about the date. I even considered standing him up but then the whole stupid “empathy” thing kicked in and I realized that is a totally uncool thing to do. Meh Guy had probably shaved and everything. If someone shaves for you, it’s just not cool to stand them up.

Walking toward the dirty subway, staring down at my grey Converse All Stars as I got step-by-step  closer to a night full of “meh”, I  was suddenly struck with the most amazing escape plan ever. If everything went as I planned, Meh Guy would have no idea it was an escape plan at all. With haste I pulled out my phone, sat on a neighbor’s stoop and sent a text to my male friend asking for his help.

Of course, my male friend turned out to be totally lame, and that’s not exactly how things went:

Me: “Hey!”

Lame Friend: “How’s things?”

Me: “Getting ready to go meet up with Meh Guy.”

Lame Friend: “Lame.”

Me: “Exactly. That’s why I need your help.”

Lame Friend: “??”

Me: “You show up and are all like ‘Who is this? What are you doing with another guy? I was waiting for you at home! I MADE YOU ZITI!’.”

Lame Friend: “Oh, I don’t want to be a home wrecker.”

Me: “Boo.”

Lame Friend: “You don’t like him anyway.”

Me: “I know, but it would make it sooo much easier than telling him I don’t want to see him anymore. Please. I NEED you.”

Lame Friend: “So lame.”

Me: “No, YOU’RE lame. Where’s your sense of adventure?”

Lame Friend: “Waiting for you to ditch your date so we can go out and get a drink! Actually, that’s a lie. I’m at Lowe’s.”

One hour and fifty-four minutes later…

Lame Friend: “Are you still on your stupid date? Are you getting engaged yet?”

Me: “Shut up. I’m getting drunk, that’s what I’m getting.”

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My friend is super lame, right? Support my super awesome escape plan when you Rate, Comment, Subscribe, Share!

What’s your favorite escape plan? Spill your secrets in an email to CrazyKindaLife@gmail.com!

 

The Pet Peeve Chronicles: Trap Talkers June 14, 2012

Filed under: Pet Peeves — Messie Jessie @ 10:50 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

You’ve got something you are doing, and you are right in the middle of doing it.

Maybe you are just about to grab the last item on your grocery list before heading to the check-out line. Or maybe you’re walking to your boss’s annual backyard barbeque, for which you are already a solid hour late. Perhaps the last bite of your Thanksgiving dinner is making its way down your esophagus and you’ve decided that right now would be the perfect time for a nap.

Whatever it is that you are doing, it no longer matters. You see, as you were going about your business, you caught sight of someone, and they caught sight of you.  Eye contact has been made and there’s no turning back.

You’ve just been apprehended by the Trap Talker.

You look away, put your head down and try to make a sly move toward the door. But the Trap Talker smiles and as they walk in your direction, you think to yourself, “I’m never going to get away.”

We all know the type. They’ve only got one topic, and that topic is them. You will hear all about their colitis and how they had to wean back on solid foods after a week and a half of ingesting nothing but chicken broth and diet cola. You don’t give a crap about the state of their lower gastrointestinal track, but the Trap Talker doesn’t care. All the Trap Talker cares about is that they finish their story as it seamlessly transitions into the next.

You anxiously switch your weight from one leg to the other. You turn your shoulder so your body faces away from them.

It doesn’t matter what you do; they have no understanding of basic body language or any sense of social cues. You can slowly step away but they will follow you. You can look away but they will grab your arm and force your attention back on them. They will scarcely notice your glazed over look, as you mentally plan out how you might rearrange your office if you decide to bring in that old bookcase from home.

You check your watch.

Time means nothing to the Trap Talker. Your carton of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream slowly drips down your arm as you try to shake off the gnats that are looking for a refreshing July-afternoon snack. You manage to squeeze in a “I’ve got to run”, but the Trap Talker barely acknowledges your statement as they blather about how the property tax increase is going to affect their ability to contribute to their 401k.

Get comfortable, my friends. You’re going to be here for a while.

In the meantime, please enjoy this video I made:

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Ever been Trap Talked? Are YOU a Trap Talker? Share your stories here when you Rate, Comment, Subscribe, Share!

Got something to say? Shoot me an email at CrazyKindaLife@gmail.com and Trap Talk away. I’m all yours.

 

BLOGCAST: More of Your Truth or Dare Submissions! February 27, 2012

Alright folks, here’s what you’ve been anxiously awaiting…. MORE TRUTH OR DARE VIDEOS!

But first, I’d like to bring something very important to your attention.

When KT and I first came up with the idea to do a Truth or Dare submission challenge, I thought, “eh, what the heck. It’s not like anyone is going to watch these suckers anyway.” Turns out, I was wrong. People are watching these suckers. In fact, way more people are watching these suckers than I would have even imagined to be interested in these suckers.

And now, in the ultimate twist of events, people we don’t even know are featuring these suckers on their websites! For real. And I’m totally mortified. Check it out:

Totally Embarrassing Featured Video #1

Slightly Less Totally Embarrassing Featured Video #2

Not Humiliating But Not Not-Humiliating Either Featured Video #3

When I die, my time as “The Dare Girl” will be my only surviving legacy. KT, however, is totally lapping this up like a stray cat in a barrel of fresh milk.

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Now that you’ve had your hors d’oeuvres, I won’t keep you waiting for the main course any longer. It’s my duty as an entertainer to give the people what they want, and what you want is our latest round of Truth or Dare videos. Bon appetit!

P.S. We’ve still got three more videos to go, so keep checking back! And while you’re waiting, don’t forget to Rate, Comment, Subscribe, Share!

And Email! Because emailing is always super enjoyable and generally not humiliating. CrazyKindaLife@gmail.com

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Crazy Little Thing Called… November 8, 2011

I’ve often thought that I should write a relationship blog. Why? Because I’ve had so darned many of ‘em. Problem is, I’ve earned an advanced degree in Relationship Studies but with a concentration in Failure.

As you may recall, I’ve written quite a bit on the subject already. Over the last year I’ve made an effort NOT to write about relationships. I didn’t want to become one of those ubiquitous diary-esque blogs where I go on and on about frivolous details of my love life. Hello… snooze-fest! I mean really, who cares to read about my personal pratfalls to make intimate emotional connections with the opposite sex, anyway? (Actually, I know there are a bunch of you naughty, little voyeurs out there. I can see your glowing eyes from the shadowy alcoves of the internet.)

So why, if I’ve made an effort not to write about relationships, am I writing about relationships today?

Blame the definition of insanity.

Say what?

According to the basic text of Narcotics Anonymous, the definition of insanity is, “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. We’ve all heard this tiresome adage before. But it wasn’t until about a month ago it finally occurred to me that, according to the above definition, I’ve been completely, out-of-my-mind, whack for the past 17 years.

I’m not going to disclose the how’s and why’s of my mad relationship skills. I’ve got to consider the cost/benefit ratio here, and seriously guys, I’m not getting paid to write this sh*t (yet) so it’s not worth the risk of gunning down any more relationships for the sake of a few extra site hits. Hand me a paycheck and I’ll reconsider.

However, I can smell all your mouths salivating for details, so: No, I am not in a relationship, per se, at this time. In fact, I’m not even speaking (er, writing) exclusively about romantic relationships here.

Heck, I’m pretty sure I accidentally, single-handedly slaughtered a friendship just today. (I’m not joking. Apparently what I think is “funny” is considered by others to be “harsh”. Who knew?)

Here’s the deal: From now on I’m going to start doing things differently when it comes to people I care about. But I’m scared; I’m anxious; and I’m stumbling around in the dark and have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. I’m a freaking dimwit when it comes to these things, so really, in that respect, things are not all that different. Except this time I’m stepping out of my old, familiar idiot zone and awkwardly walking around in a new one. Blindfolded.

I’ve decided to pull my helmet out of the closet, dust off my knee pads, and am fully prepared to fall flat on my face. The only protective gear I’m leaving behind? The one that goes over my heart. That’s usually the only one I never leave home without.

So here’s to hoping a two-word apology speaks volumes, an open heart opens doors, and a little love goes a long way.

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You’ve also heard this tiresome adage before, but I’m sticking with my crazy on this one: Rate, Comment, Subscribe, Share!

 

BLOGCAST: Sexy Ladies Underwear May 17, 2011

We’ve got a real gem of a blogcast for you today, folks.

Here at Messie Jessie Headquarters, we put our brains together and thought “what could be better than a Point/Counterpoint debate on sexy ladies underwear?”

Nothing. That’s what.

Make sure you watch this one all the way to the end, peoples. You don’t want to miss a second of it.

I promise you that.


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Warning: This blogcast may not be suitable for all audiences. In fact, go ahead and put your kids to bed now. We’ll still be here when you get back.

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Me Smart May 8, 2011

I recently had a conversation with a friend about my dreams for this blog. It went pretty much exactly as follows:

Me: I have this fantasy that I could make money from writing my blog. Then I could do whatever I wanted, be where ever I wanted, and still make a living for myself. I want that kind of freedom. The problem is, I just don’t seem to have enough regular readers/traffic/subscribers to make it happen.

Him: Well, your blog is a little too… how should I say…. too smart for most people out there.

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In an effort to gain more readership, I have crafted the following prose:

I like cottage cheese a lot. I like it because it tastes good. When I eat it, it makes my tummy happy. My tummy is happy because I ate cottage cheese.


Let the readers roll in en masse.

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(P.S. What’s the moral of this story?: Unless you want to keep reading dribble such as the above… READ, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE, RECOMMEND!)

 

 
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