Snapshots of a… Crazy Kinda Life

The Misadventures of Messie Jessie

So this happened today. August 18, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — Messie Jessie @ 7:43 pm
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The dog and I are on a steamy summer stroll around the neighborhood. We spot a family across the street. Two parents; in tow are a stroller with a baby, and a little 3 year old girl.

Sadie meme colors.jpg

Yup, this is my dog. Not to be confused with me.

Little girl: “A doggie!”

Me: A friendly smile and a broad wave.

Little girl’s mom: “Look! The doggie said hello!”

Well, actually, the owner said hello. The dog didn’t even notice you. But you know. I guess I can see how you would confuse us two.

No, actually I can’t. That was a really weird thing for that mom to say.


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Top 5 Benefits of a Massive 2nd-Degree Curling Iron Burn on Your Neck March 25, 2016

Filed under: All about me,Top 5's — Messie Jessie @ 9:24 am
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  1. Not only am I certain that my curling iron still works, but I am able to roughly gauge just how hot it gets. “Blistering hot”, to be precise.
  2. You are able to discern if people are actually listening to you, or just feigning attention. Eyes that wander to your neck is a dead giveaway.
  3. It is a chance to finally try out that sexy side-swept-hair-covering-face look. Bonus points because the style requires NO HEAT.
  4. One is forced to contemplate the subjective passage of time as you rummage through the first aid supplies, only to discover they all expired in 2013. (Even though that was technically 3 years ago, it really does not feel like it was that far in the past. So that Neosporin must still be good, right?)
  5. I now know the universal magic words to getting any same-day appointment are “I think it’s infected”.

Come on, you are all thinking it. So, for the record: it is NOT a hickey, ALRIGHT?


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I Think There’s Something Wrong With My Dog July 5, 2012

Filed under: Laughing Out Loud — Messie Jessie @ 6:42 pm
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via PicsArt Photo Studio


Another Round of 100% For-Real Online Dating Screenshots! June 26, 2012

Filed under: Adventures in Dating — Messie Jessie @ 8:37 pm
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Whatever I write here doesn’t really matter because you’re just going to scroll past it to look at all the fancy pictures in this post, so I’m just going to shut my yapper and get on with it.

And remember, (snarky photoshopped commentary aside) everything you see here is completely real. Enjoy!


Now, more lifelike than ever!


Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you said “HAIRlines”. My bad.


All of the above?


In his response he apologized by saying, “Sorry, I want do that again.”


I don’t know, that bathing suit babe is pretty hot…


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Think I have no right to ridicule innocent people looking for love and that I will probably suffer infinite lifetimes of bad karma? I’m open to your opinion, so let me have it when you email


The Pet Peeve Chronicles: Trap Talkers June 14, 2012

Filed under: Pet Peeves — Messie Jessie @ 10:50 pm
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You’ve got something you are doing, and you are right in the middle of doing it.

Maybe you are just about to grab the last item on your grocery list before heading to the check-out line. Or maybe you’re walking to your boss’s annual backyard barbeque, for which you are already a solid hour late. Perhaps the last bite of your Thanksgiving dinner is making its way down your esophagus and you’ve decided that right now would be the perfect time for a nap.

Whatever it is that you are doing, it no longer matters. You see, as you were going about your business, you caught sight of someone, and they caught sight of you.  Eye contact has been made and there’s no turning back.

You’ve just been apprehended by the Trap Talker.

You look away, put your head down and try to make a sly move toward the door. But the Trap Talker smiles and as they walk in your direction, you think to yourself, “I’m never going to get away.”

We all know the type. They’ve only got one topic, and that topic is them. You will hear all about their colitis and how they had to wean back on solid foods after a week and a half of ingesting nothing but chicken broth and diet cola. You don’t give a crap about the state of their lower gastrointestinal track, but the Trap Talker doesn’t care. All the Trap Talker cares about is that they finish their story as it seamlessly transitions into the next.

You anxiously switch your weight from one leg to the other. You turn your shoulder so your body faces away from them.

It doesn’t matter what you do; they have no understanding of basic body language or any sense of social cues. You can slowly step away but they will follow you. You can look away but they will grab your arm and force your attention back on them. They will scarcely notice your glazed over look, as you mentally plan out how you might rearrange your office if you decide to bring in that old bookcase from home.

You check your watch.

Time means nothing to the Trap Talker. Your carton of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream slowly drips down your arm as you try to shake off the gnats that are looking for a refreshing July-afternoon snack. You manage to squeeze in a “I’ve got to run”, but the Trap Talker barely acknowledges your statement as they blather about how the property tax increase is going to affect their ability to contribute to their 401k.

Get comfortable, my friends. You’re going to be here for a while.

In the meantime, please enjoy this video I made:



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Got something to say? Shoot me an email at and Trap Talk away. I’m all yours.


Everything You Are About to See in This Post is Completely, 100%, For Real. Believe It. April 25, 2012

Filed under: Adventures in Dating — Messie Jessie @ 12:06 am
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I’ve done something that I thought I would never do. I’m even sort of embarrassed to admit it publicly, but what you are about to see is just too good not to share and I’ve got no other viable way of explaining how I came across this stuff, so I’m just going to get it over with and come clean:

I have ventured into the world of online dating.

It’s not that a gal like me can’t get a date with a another human being in person, because I can. (I can, dammit; I can!) But it’s just so much easier when I can do it from the comfort of my couch, eating my Frosted Mini Wheats out of Tupperware (because I have zero desire to do my dishes and all my bowls are buried in the lower levels of my sink somewhere) while wearing my dingy, coffee stained, pink robe.

I haven’t been at this whole internet dating thing for too long, so I don’t have wild stories for you just yet (but I will, and we both know you will read them). But, oh man, have I seen some things. Things that I can’t believe a person would put out there for anyone with a username and password to see. (This is probably why they are on an online dating site, but I refuse think about this too much since I, too, am now on an internet dating site and I don’t want to think about what this, in turn, says about me.)

Before we go on any further, I feel compelled to remind you that what you put out there on the internet pretty much becomes public domain the moment you post it, which might just find its way on some lady’s blog with or without your knowledge (or permission). Your stupidity becomes my fair game.

Now, let us move on to the good stuff.

I sort of feel bad for this guy now.


No comment


"Inmate Number 35821, your internet time has EXPIRED. Back to your cell."


Attention dads, lock up your daughters! But don't worry, he's only interested if they're related.


I call him the Latin Pirate.


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Send me your crazy online dating stories at, because I clearly enjoy a laugh at someone else’s expense. Then again, don’t we all?


Blogcast alert! January 21, 2009

Filed under: Blogcasts — Messie Jessie @ 7:49 pm
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What’s in a name?

Sadly, there is no “part two”. Originally, we planned to discuss anthropomorphism (the ascription of human characteristics to things non-human). We even had visual aids. But then James and I got really into our debate and things started to get… “heated”. Then we tried to do a few more takes, but that also meant a few more drinks had also gone down, and things got less and less interesting to the 3rd party observer. The icing on the cake was that on the best take, the audio/video sync got messed up and it wasn’t worth making you suffer through it. I decided it wasn’t meant to be.

But, all is not lost! In case you ever wondered what goes down pre-production here’s a sample. (To note, I am not this bitchy or vain in real life… or at least that’s what I’d like to believe. And James and I really do get along- I swear!)

Behind the scenes:


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