I’ve done something that I thought I would never do. I’m even sort of embarrassed to admit it publicly, but what you are about to see is just too good not to share and I’ve got no other viable way of explaining how I came across this stuff, so I’m just going to get it over with and come clean:
I have ventured into the world of online dating.
It’s not that a gal like me can’t get a date with a another human being in person, because I can. (I can, dammit; I can!) But it’s just so much easier when I can do it from the comfort of my couch, eating my Frosted Mini Wheats out of Tupperware (because I have zero desire to do my dishes and all my bowls are buried in the lower levels of my sink somewhere) while wearing my dingy, coffee stained, pink robe.
I haven’t been at this whole internet dating thing for too long, so I don’t have wild stories for you just yet (but I will, and we both know you will read them). But, oh man, have I seen some things. Things that I can’t believe a person would put out there for anyone with a username and password to see. (This is probably why they are on an online dating site, but I refuse think about this too much since I, too, am now on an internet dating site and I don’t want to think about what this, in turn, says about me.)
Before we go on any further, I feel compelled to remind you that what you put out there on the internet pretty much becomes public domain the moment you post it, which might just find its way on some lady’s blog with or without your knowledge (or permission). Your stupidity becomes my fair game.
Now, let us move on to the good stuff.
I sort of feel bad for this guy now.
"Inmate Number 35821, your internet time has EXPIRED. Back to your cell."
Attention dads, lock up your daughters! But don't worry, he's only interested if they're related.
I call him the Latin Pirate.
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Send me your crazy online dating stories at CrazyKindaLife@gmail.com, because I clearly enjoy a laugh at someone else’s expense. Then again, don’t we all?