Snapshots of a… Crazy Kinda Life

The Misadventures of Messie Jessie

So this happened today. August 18, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — Messie Jessie @ 7:43 pm
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The dog and I are on a steamy summer stroll around the neighborhood. We spot a family across the street. Two parents; in tow are a stroller with a baby, and a little 3 year old girl.

Sadie meme colors.jpg

Yup, this is my dog. Not to be confused with me.

Little girl: “A doggie!”

Me: A friendly smile and a broad wave.

Little girl’s mom: “Look! The doggie said hello!”

Well, actually, the owner said hello. The dog didn’t even notice you. But you know. I guess I can see how you would confuse us two.

No, actually I can’t. That was a really weird thing for that mom to say.

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Wanna bark back and forth for a while? No problem. Throw me a bone at CrazyKindaLife@gmail.com.

 

BLOGCAST: A Call For Fan Submissions! December 21, 2011

We’re trying something a little different here at CrazyKindaLife studios, folks! If you read the title line of this post then you’re already acutely aware that we are putting out a call for fan submissions.

At this point, you’re probably asking, “Yeah sure, I got that. But submissions for what?”

Messie Jessie and Mz. KT are putting out a call for submissions for our first ever TRUTH OR DARE CHALLENGE!

These ladies have quite a history together. In case you want a little refresher, check out this old post: A Valentine’s Day Blogcast

Remember how much you love KT and Messie Jessie? Well, we love this amazing duo too, so submit your suggestions for our Truth Or Dare challenge. We will take any and all of your submissions (pending legal restrictions, that is). We will answer all “truth” questions and complete all “dares”. We’ve already received a bunch of wild submissions and we’re going to respond to them all, so be sure you get yours in our queue!

More details are in the video below so don’t skip out on watching it. Filming will take place 1/1/12. Submission deadline is 12/30/11 at 11:59pm. Time is short: What are you waiting for? Submit today!

(Oh yeah, and don’t forget the obligatory Rate, Comment, Subscribe, Share!)

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My Life: One Big Adventure July 25, 2011

Filed under: All about me — Messie Jessie @ 8:01 pm
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Over the weekend I had an old friend from the opposite coast pay a visit. After he arrived and had a chance to settle in, we went out for dinner and drinks on the town.

During our walk back, after a half hour straight of babbling stories from last three years of my life, I said, “Wow, I’m sorry. I really just went on and on there, didn’t I? I didn’t mean to turn this into the ‘Jess Show’.”

Friend replies, “No, it’s ok. I haven’t seen you in a long time so I’m actually trying to soak as much of you up as I can. You’re one of the most interesting people I know; you’re always getting into adventures. Most people just get up, go to their jobs, go home and go to bed. But you always seem to start talking to someone, or one thing happens which leads to this other thing, which leads you to another, and next thing you know you end up in some kind of adventure.”

I meekly responded, “No, I’m normal too. I go to work and come home and nothing exciting happens. My life isn’t just one series of adventures after another. Most of the time my life is fairly uninteresting.”

Right at that moment, amidst the heavy July air, a random drunken girl runs up to me from across the street, tugs my arm and– I swear I’m not making this up– says, “OMG, you’re soooo cute! I mean it. Will you come back to my place to make out with me? I promise I won’t have sex with you, I just want to make out.”

Maybe I was wrong?

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Word of the Day July 4, 2011

Rammy

(Short for Rambunctious)

  • Rowdy; turbulently noisy, energetic, cheerful (usually of a person, event or behavior)
  • Difficult to control or handle

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How I encountered this word:

Yestereve, my friend Mary and I decided it would be a nice summertime activity to make Pina Coladas and enjoy the warm July air from her front stoop. We set out to the grocery store to get the necessary accoutrements for the rum already in the cabinet and upon our return made a blender-full of the delicious adult beverage.

Well, one beverage turned into ten. Which turned into crashing the next block over’s block party, already well in progress. Which turned into being the last women standing at the block party and subsequently making friends with a gay man who insisted he wasn’t gay, and swapping phone numbers so we could hang out and watch reruns of Sex in the City together in the future. Which then, upon our return to the house, turned into a 1:00am dance party in Mary’s living room. Which then sparked the idea to go dancing at the afterhours club in the Gayborhood. Which then turned into a shot of Jagermeister because we wanted to spend as little money at this overpriced club as possible.

A quick costume change and shot #2 later (for good luck, of course) we headed out. We unexpectedly ran into some old friends visiting from NYC and, naturally, sat on their stoop long enough to catch up, have a beer and just one more shot (bottom shelf vodka this time).

Tromping up the late-night city streets, we finally made it to our destination. When we were informed the cost of admission was 25 dollars a head, we danced in the lobby for a short while with the other cover-charge protesters before exiting the venue.

It was my bright idea to head to another, less classy, afterhours joint in a slightly less affluent section of the city. We grabbed the Protestors by the hand, hopped into a cab and headed South.

Because the cab had not dropped us off exactly where requested, we found ourselves turned around and not sure which direction to head to get to the speakeasy. We roamed the less-than-desirable neighborhood for several minutes before finding the speakeasy’s door, thanks to the GPS on our phones.

In our excitement, we had neglected to take into account that it was, in fact, Sunday and the speakeasy was closed.

Upon our retreat, we picked up another crew of stragglers who had had the same idea as us, surely saving them the disappointment that was to follow once they too reached the locked door.  One of these Stragglers noted that there was yet another afterhours club, this time a little further into the less-than-desirable neighborhood.

Slightly nervous about wandering this particular area of town, our fears were quelled when the head Straggler affirmed there was “strength in numbers”. Thusly, the nine of us set off into the ghetto.

Unfortunately, this club was also closed. Heads hanging low, we all agreed to abandon this expedition and head out to a safer location. Splitting up, the Stragglers headed south; Mary, myself and the Protestors headed east.

Ready to shake the Protestors and head home, we gave the cursory, “well, the night owl bus should pick you up right here. It comes pretty often, but I don’t know more than that. I guess this is where we part ways. Bye!”

While the Protestors were still trying to figure out my vague directions and before they could… well, protest, Mary and I were gone.

We decided that our rumbling bellies deserved some nourishment after this unsuccessful attempt to go dancing. We strolled up to the all-night cheesesteak joint and got ourselves each a heaping portion of cheese fries. Silence fell upon us as we stuffed our mouths full of fried tubers drenched in gooey, orange deliciousness.

We drew the night to a close as we walked each other home, bidding farewell only until the morning when I would drop by to pick up some items I had left at Mary’s house earlier.

And with that, I slipped into bed at 5:30am, just in time to watch the sun rise from behind closed eyelids.

The next day, reconvening at Mary’s pad, we were drinking water and watching our dogs wrestle in the living room. Discussing the debauchery from the night previous, I noted, “the course of events probably got rolling around the 5th drink or so, when we started getting rammy. It was pretty much all over from that point on.”

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Wanna keep living vicariously through Messie Jessie and her adventures? Well then, you know what to do!

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I believe that inanimate objects purposely try to annoy me June 29, 2011

Ever put your key in the lock but it won’t open, only to find yourself angrier at the door than you probably should be?

How about when you you try to put a box of cereal back in the cupboard but it suddenly won’t fit back in its spot no matter how perfectly it fit there in the first place or how many times you try to cram it back in, then feel a surge of inappropriate rage in your heart towards the, now crumpled, box in your hands?

Yeah, me too.

For example, I own smart phone. Since it’s the first of it’s generation, it tends to be a little dumber than some of its competitors.

On more occasions than I can count, I’ll be happily clicking on a regularly used app when suddenly my phone starts running really slooooow. I’ll tap the screen a few times, thinking maybe that will make it respond. It doesn’t. I get irritated.

Then I wait. And wait. Then the phone goes dark because it was idle too long and went into powersave mode. I can feel the anger growing inside.

Next, I have to hit the “on” button to get the screen to turn back on, but because it’s running slow it doesn’t respond, so I hit it again. Naturally, what happens the millisecond just before I hit that button? The screen flashes back on.

But since I hit “on” when it technically was “on” the phone thought I meant “off” so the screen goes dark again. Now I’m seriously getting pissed.

My phone and I play this cat and mouse game a good three times over before I say to it, “I bet you think this is funny, don’t you?”

My phone mocks me by finally bringing the screen back on when I push the “on” button a final time. Then, as I go back to the app I was trying to open, up pops a notification that reads “This application is not responding. What would you like to do? [Force Close]  [Cancel]”

As I click [Force Close], I think to the phone, “You and I both knew you were going to do that all along. Jerk.”

Or here’s another example: As I get ready for work, I take a necklace I haven’t worn in a while out of my jewelry box to wear for the day. Somewhere between unhooking the clasp and putting it around my neck, the necklace swings itself around and becomes knotted.

I whisper to the chain, “You knew I was running late already and now you’re trying to make me even later.”

The necklace scoffs at me as I carefully lay it on the bathroom sink and gently tug and the individual links to pull the chain free from itself. But it doesn’t matter how careful and attentive I am; the necklace is probably upset because I haven’t worn it in such a long time that it’s retaliating by refusing to untangle so that I won’t be able to wear it today anyway.

It’s only spiting itself, but it doesn’t care. It’s making me mad on purpose. And its tactics are working.

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You may think that these silly antics are something I made up so that I could write an amusing blog post. But in all sincerity, I really do think these thoughts inside my head.

I mean, in the back of my mind I know that inanimate objects don’t have feelings or intentions or desires, but in those moments of frustration…

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This photo has nothing to do with the story to your right, but I spent time making it so I'm going to use it anyway.

Just yesterday, while I was bringing in my recycling container, I had another experience:

Philadelphia gives out recycling containers for free but I never went to one of the local repositories to pick up my blue “Philadelphia Recycles” bin. I had always just put my cans & bottles in a paper bag on the curb. One day a blue bin mysteriously found it’s way in front of my stoop. Since it had no address labeled in black Sharpee on it, it seemed to me the poor thing had been abandoned and was now mine for the taking. The bin had an existing, and large, crack on the side but I didn’t mind. It was now my recycling container and I loved it regardless of its imperfections.

Yesterday, after the recycling man did his duty, I picked up my empty container and attempted to slide it back in its snug resting spot between the front of the house and a large planter pot, but it wouldn’t go in. Somewhere, the crack had gotten caught on a metal rail on one of the basement windows.

I pulled the bin back out and tried to glide it in again. Still stuck. I tried to locate the exact place the crack was getting caught so that I could remedy the problem, but I couldn’t find any plastic-on-metal friction.

The only logical conclusion I could come to was that the metal rail wasn’t keen on having the recycling bin in front of it, so it was intentionally blocking my efforts in a clandestine manner.

What did I do? Well, first I tried to cram that baby in there as hard as I could. Noting that this action was making the existing crack worse, I thought to myself, “And this is exactly what that damn metal rail wanted to happen.”

After taking a few moments to resume my composure, I calmly moved the planter, placed the recycling bin where it rightfully belonged, and slid everything back into place.

Then I promptly kicked the metal rail. It deserved it.

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If you’ve ever felt this way yourself, you’re not alone.

Heck, you should even see if your friends have ever felt this way too. Wanna know a good way to find out? Comment, subscribe, share!

 

BLOGCAST: Sexy Ladies Underwear May 17, 2011

We’ve got a real gem of a blogcast for you today, folks.

Here at Messie Jessie Headquarters, we put our brains together and thought “what could be better than a Point/Counterpoint debate on sexy ladies underwear?”

Nothing. That’s what.

Make sure you watch this one all the way to the end, peoples. You don’t want to miss a second of it.

I promise you that.


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Warning: This blogcast may not be suitable for all audiences. In fact, go ahead and put your kids to bed now. We’ll still be here when you get back.

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Reasons #1,929 & #1,930 why I love this city April 27, 2011

Filed under: Blogcasts,Simple Pleasures — Messie Jessie @ 5:07 pm
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… Because where else can you be serenaded by THIS outside your window at 10pm on a Tuesday?

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Then, today, I encountered this gentleman on the subway.

And in case you’re wondering: Yes, I did actually turn around and ask if I could video record him. I *cough* forgot to mention it was for a blog.

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